It’s that time of year when you have to pony up some cash for the people you spend the most time with—nope, not your family or friends, but your co-workers.  And if you’re wondering what you should get your boss, direct reports or peers, here are some of the best gifts you can get a coworker.

Paperclips

Link these together and you have a necklace!

Paperclips are one of the most versatile office supplies around, and make for a great gift for any fellow employee. Your peers will thank you when they realize you spent all that time walking all the way to the supply closet to get their gift.

Lingerie

Man or woman, lingerie is sure to please.

Lingerie is the perfect gift for your assistant or boss. It shows the person that you know she is more than just a worker, but an actual person as well. Victoria’s Secret was that lingerie is great for team-building.

If your boss or assistant is a man, this also has the added benefit of letting him know you know he has a softer side than his stern attitude might suggest.

More Work

More work means more sense accomplishment.

What says “I value you the work you are doing” more than more work for them to excel at?  By giving a coworker or direct report more work, you are letting them know you think they are great, and that you understand that few things are more precious than spending the holidays with family, friends, and your work laptop.

A Pink Slip

Fired? Fired up to have more free time!

Christmas colors may be red and green, but nothing says the holidays like the color pink. Giving out pink slips is not only easy on your wallet, but it’s also giving the gift of time to your direct reports–time they can spend with their families, having fun and looking for a new job.

Drugs

Give the gift of addiction.

Anyone can buy a bottle of wine (assuming you are over the age of 21 or have a good fake), but it takes a real “go-getter” to score some illegal narcotics for a gift.  Not only will you show your recipient that you were willing to go that extra step past the law, but also that you encourage them to take a break and relax, recreationally.

In fact, if you’re not sure what to get a coworker, a good rule of thumb is that the more inappropriate, illegal, or deadly it is, the better!  Here’s to a happy holiday season and starting the new year without a job!

Note: These are not actually good gift ideas, please do not give them out to your co-workers. For ideas that are actually good, check out Gifts Coworkers Will Actually Like.