18 Inspirational Quotes on Goal Setting

photo by Charlie Bird

photo by Charlie Bird

In addition to curating content here, I also train people on using humor in the workplace. I recently gave a training on communication and was looking for a quotation that expressed the importance of having an agenda in meetings. I ultimately went with:

“There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.” –Peter Drucker

But while searching, I also came across these 17 inspirational quotations on the importance of having a goal:

1. Yogi Berra

“If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.” -Yogi Berra

2. Ernest Hemingway

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” –Ernest Hemingway

3. Paulo Coelho

“Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.” –Paulo Coelho

4. Lewis Carroll

Cat: Where are you going?
Alice: Which way should I go?
Cat: That depends on where you are going.
Alice: I don’t know.
Cat: Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.
–Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

5. Seneca

“If a man knows not to which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” –Lucius Annaeus Seneca

6. Napoleon Hill

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.” –Napoleon Hill

7. Aldous Huxley

“Every ceiling, when reached, becomes a floor, upon which one walks as a matter of course and prescriptive right.” –Aldous Huxley

8. Thomas Fuller

“A good archer is known not by his arrows but by his aim.” –Thomas Fuller

9. J.M. Power

“If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.” –J.M. Power

10. H Jackson Brown

“Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” -Life’s Little Instruction Book, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

11. Jennifer Yane

“The only thing that has to be finished by next Tuesday is next Monday.” –Jennifer Yane

12. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.” –Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

13. Charles C. Noble

“You must have long term goals to keep you from being frustrated by short term failures.” –Charles C. Noble

14. Bill Copeland

“The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.” –Bill Copeland

15. Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

16. Oliver Wendell Holmes

“The great thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving.” –Oliver Wendell Holmes

17. Brian Tracy

“It doesn’t matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going.” –Brian Tracy

18. Geoffry Abert

“The most important thing about goals is having one.” –Geoffry Abert

9 Kids Games Adapted to the Corporate World

adults playing leapfrogAs a kid we spent many-a-day playing games with our classmates and neighbors. Once you’ve entered the corporate world, that doesn’t change. Here are 9 kids games adapted to the Corporate World.

Leap Frog. Spend years building your skills to get promoted to your dream position. Right when you think you’re going to get that promotion, get passed over for someone new to the company or that is close friends with the boss.

Spin the Bottle. Gather for your weekly status meeting. Spin a bottle on the table. Whoever it lands on is stuck working late that night.

Kick the Plan (and Update It With a New One). Set the plan you’ve been working months on in the middle of the floor. An executive runs over and kicks it over (because of budget cuts, time constraints, or just because). Work diligently on a new plan. Repeat.

Red Rover, Red Rover, Bring the Memo Over. Email a document to a senior executive. Wait 3 days, never hearing anything. Finally print out the document and take it to his desk.

Pillow Forts and Gate Reviews. The night before a major gate review, bring in pillows for the all-nighter you’re going to pull. Build a fort at 3am when you should be working.

Hide–And–Scope–Creep. Hide out in your office before your next meeting before your project sponsor. Leave your office for just a second and get caught by your sponsor who wants to add scope without increasing the budget or moving the deadline.

Duck, Duck, Choose. Have way too many projects to work. Click on each project folder until you yell “Choose,” then run around trying frantically to complete the project before coming back and starting again.

Padding Cake. With a coworker, add in some buffer time (padding) to your project schedule to account for changes and set-backs.

Tether–Phone. Work from a remote location with your team. Have your Wifi connection drop so you have to tether your phone to access email. When you exceed your data plan, switch to a team-member’s phone.

Note: These examples are tongue-in-cheek, but studies do show that play can be great stress relief. Find out more on the value of play.

21 Best “Secret” Handshakes

The handshake dates back to at least the 5th Century BC, but likely not quite in the capacity shown below. Coming from baseball, basketball, football and TV, these secret handshakes can inspire us all to shake the hands of our peers more creatively.

Note: It may take a second for all of the gifs to load. There’s a lot of them.

1. Prince Fielder and Miguel Cabrera

Just when you though the handshake was done… there’s more.

secret handshake fielder cabrera

2. David Price and Rays’ Teammates

Secret handshakes down the line!

secret handshake price team

3. Johan Santana and Mets’ Teammates

Johan Santana supposedly has secret handshakes with all of his teammates. The “encore” is my favorite.

secret handshake johan santana

4. Tony Thomas and Brady Thomas

Handshake? Patty cake? Both?

secret handshakes fsu baseball

5. UC Irvine Baseball Players

It’s a combination of Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. Plus a high-five at the end.

secret handshake uc irvine baseball

6. Monta Ellis and Some Guy in a Coat

It’s like a normal handshake, but cooler.

secret handshake monta ellis

7. LeBron James and Mario Chalmers

Not even someone walking through can interrupt this handshake.

secret handshake james williams

8. Jeremy Lin and Landry Fields

Spectacles and reading a book–what else would you expect from the handshake of two ivy league grads?

secret handshake lin landry

9. JR Smith and Play-by-Play Announcer

The fact that the announcer gets in on a handshake is pretty sweet.

secret handshake jr smith

10. EMU Basketball Team

I like the robot into the frolicy jump in this handshake.

secret handshake emu

11. Melvin Ingram and Roger Goodell

Simple, but impressive to have one with the football commissioner.

secret handshake ingram goodell

12. Knowshon Moreno and Quinton Carter

I love the fake jump into a secret handshake.

secret handshake moreno carter

13. Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams

They never actually shake hands… but it is hilarious.

secret handshake williams stewart

14. University of Hawaii Football

I believe this started with Missouri, but Hawaii celebrates with a rather simple handshake. Yep, just a handshake.

secret handshake hawaii football

15. Matt Duchene and Paul Statsny

You don’t see too many hockey handshakes, but this one involves dancing and almost falling down.

secret handshake colorado avalanche

16. Robinson Cano and SportsCenter Staff

Secret handshakes bring a little excitement into the office (though may also spread colds).

secret handshakes sportscenter

17. Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

It’s simple but I grew up with this handshake.

secret handshake fresh prince jazzy jeff

18. Cory and Shawn from Boy Meets World

Also from my childhood but there’s a lot more involved in this handshake.

secret handshake boy meets world

19. Turk and Elliot from Scrubs

Every good handshake involves a little running man.

secret handshake from scrubs

20. Homer Simpson and Stonecutter Guy from The Simpson’s

The best part is wearing the same shirt.

secret handshake homer simpson

21. Troy and Abed from Community

It’s simple but effective. Also the clay versions of them do it as well.

secret handshake troy abed

BONUS: Gordon and Barajas of the LA Dodgers.

I saw this one after the original post but it’s too good not to include.

gordon-barajas-baby

Got your own favorite secret handshake? Leave it in the comments.

12 Incredible Examples of Typography Art

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. For these images, it’s more true than ever. Here are 12 incredible examples of using typography as art.

1. Martin Luther King Jr Typography Art

The words of the “I Have a Dream Speech” used to create a Martin Luther King portait.

mlk typography art

(Jonas Fleuraime)

2. Typography is Beautiful

Various typographical letters to create a portrait and spell “Type is Beautiful.”

typography is beautiful art

(Eugene Lvovsky)

3. Typographic World Map

The countries of the world labeled with beautiful typography.

world map typography art

(Vladstudio)

4. Muhammed Ali Typography Art

Quotes from Muhammed Ali imposed over an image of Ali.

muhammed ali typography art

(Ivan Velasco, Jr)

5. Words of Love Typography Art

Words associated with love creating a vibrant heart.

words of love typography art

 

(Alice vel. Hazel)

6. Cleveland Museum of Art in Typography

Various letters arranged to display the Cleveland Museum of Arts.

cleveland museum of art typography

(Katie Parland)

7. Holding Hands Typography Art

An image of holding hands designed with words of friendship.

holding hands typography art

(clockblock)

8. The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe Typography Art

Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven” creating an image of a raven.

the raven edgar allan poe typography art

(Swordfish)

9. Steve Jobs Typography Art

The text of the famous “Here’s to the crazy one’s” ad campaign used to create a portrait of Steve Jobs.

steve jobs typography art

(Dylan Roscover)

10. Education / Gun Typography Art

A gun formed from “Education is the most powerful weapon.”

education gun typography art

(mou5e)

11. Emotional Tree Typography Art

Various emotions designed into a tree.

emotional tree typography art

(Marla Finger)

12. Super Mario Mushroom Typography Art

Words related to Super Mario world designed into the shape of a Mario mushroom.

super mario mushroom typography art

(OSKUNK)

21 Great Censored-for-TV Lines

The workplace is like Network TV in that you can’t swear or be inappropriate. So if you’re looking to vent frustration, but want to do it appropriately, take some inspiration from this list of lines from movies that were edited for TV.

Note: Since this is a SFW blog, I’m not going to share what the original lines were; you’ll just have to use your imagination.

21 Great Censored-for-TV Lines

  1. “You are one ugly maggot farmer.” – Predator
  2. “Frank, leave it alone, you silly barstool.” – Hot Fuzz
  3. “Fuzzy aliens are taking over our school.” – The Faculty
  4. “Funky police.” – Pineapple Express
  5. “This town is like one great big chicken waiting to get plucked.” – Scarface
  6. “Jeeper’s Creepers, that thing’s real?” – The Matrix
  7. “Right on my sandwich after you kiss it.” – Dumb & Dumber
  8. “Give me my burger-sandwich.” – Good Will Hunting
  9. “I’m an inconsiderate pine.” – Liar Liar
  10. “I’m going to kick your rump.” – Bring It On
  11. “Hand me the keys you fairy godmother.” – Unusual Suspects
  12. “The price is wrong, BOBBY.” – Happy Gilmore
  13. “This whole Friday sucks.” – Tango & Cash
  14. “Slug in a ditch.” – The Hard Way
  15. “Motivator, please.” – Resident Evil: Apocalypse
  16. “You scumbums couldn’t close an umbrella.” – Smokey and the Bandit
  17. “Cotton balls!” – Old School
  18. “Put down that TV before I blow your gosh darn knees off, egg roll.” – Police Academy
  19. “Oh yeah? Well, you’re  a froggin’ ashpole!” – There’s Something About Mary
  20. “I have had it with these monkey-fightin’ snakes on this Monday-to-Friday plane.” – Snakes on a Plane

And last but not least:

  1. “Yippie-kay-yay, Mr. Falcon.”
    Or “Yippie-kay-yay, Melon Farmer.”
    Or “Yippie-kay-yay, Merry Christmas.” – Die Hard

Inspired by this thread on reddit.

10 Computer Shortcuts You Can Use for Evil

In honor of April Fool’s Day, here are 10 computer shortcuts you can use for evil pranking a friend. Why would you need to use these? Let’s say your friend or co-worker steps away from his desk for just a few minutes (to get more coffee or go to the bathroom) and foolishly leaves his computer unlocked.

These shortcuts will allow you to use that small window of time to pull a (somewhat) harmless computer prank that’s not only hilarious, but teaches him the value of locking his computer when he steps away.

NOTE: Humor’s Office is not responsible for any damage (physical or mental) these shortcuts may cause. Also all of these shortcuts were tested on Windows 7 / Office 2007, though will likely work on most versions of Windows / Office.

10 Computer Shortcuts You Can Use for Evil

1. Turn on High Contrast

What It Does: Turns on High Contrast mode on a computer screen.
Level of Evilness: 1 – It just changes the display, which is easily reversed.
How to Do It: Hit Left Alt + Left Shift + PrintScreen.
How to Fix It: Hit the same keys: (Left Alt + Left Shift + PrintScreen).

2. Lock the scrolling in Excel.

What It Does: Changes the behavior of Excel so that when you hit the arrow keys, it changes the view, not the cell selection.
Level of Evilness: 2 – Experts in Excel will quickly know what’s going on, but novices will likely be confused / gradually aggravated.
How to Do It: In Excel, hit Scroll Lock.
How to Fix It: Hit Scroll Lock again.

3. Turn the display upside down.

What It Does: Changes the orientation of the computer display to left, right or upside down.
Level of Evilness: 3 – It might confuse people, but is easy to fix and does no permanent damage.
How to Do It: Hit Ctrl+Alt+DownArrowKey (or Left, Right or Up).
How to Fix It: Ctrl+Alt+UpArrowKey.

4. Turn on Computer Beeps.

What It Does: Turns on “ToggleKeys” which makes the computer beep every time you push a lock key (such as Caps Lock).
Level of Evilness: 4 – It doesn’t do any damage and may take awhile to pay off, but it can certainly be annoying when you don’t know why your computer is beeping.
How to Do It: Hold down the NUM LOCK key for five seconds, then hit Yes.
How to Fix It: How down NUM LOCK for five seconds again.

5. Insert Random Text in Word.

What It Does: Inserts random text into Microsoft Word.
Level of Evilness: 5 – It’s pretty easy to remove to random text from a document, but if you put it in the middle of a 30 page proposal, it may take a while to get noticed.
How to Do It: Enter the following into Word: “=rand(x,y)” where x = the number of paragraphs and y = the number of sentences you want.
How to Fix It: Highlight the random text and hit Delete.

6. Make the keyboard seem broken.

What It Does: Turns on FilterKeys which ignores brief or repeated key strokes.
Level of Evilness: 6 – It’s easy to fix but may take some people a long time to even realize FilterKeys is enabled; in the meantime they’ll think their computer is broken or they don’t know how to type.
How to Do It: Hold the right Shift key for 8 seconds, then hit Yes.
How to Fix It: Hold the right Shift key for 8 seconds.

7. Create a Dummy Desktop.

What It Does: Replaces the desktop background with an image of the old desktop background. If you remove the folder icons, it then seem like the computer is not responding / desktop shortcuts won’t open.
Level of Evilness: 7 – Easy to restore unless you delete all of the shortcuts and empty the recycling bin. Incredibly frustrating while you try to figure it out.
How to Do It: Go to the desktop, hit Ctrl+Prnt Screen. Open Microsoft Paint, hit Ctrl+V to copy the screen capture of the image, save the image. Right click on the image, select “Set as Desktop Background.” WindowsKey + D to go the Desktop, Ctrl+A to select all shortcuts, Delete to delete.
How to Fix It: Restore the shortcuts from the Recycling Bin, reset the Desktop background.

8. Change the capitalization in a word document.

What It Does: Changes the case of the selected words (CAPS, no caps, Proper).
Level of Evilness: 8 – It’s pretty easy to fix (with Ctrl+Z) but could be really annoying for large documents if you save/close the document, especially for anything with a lot of acronyms.
How to Do It: In Microsoft Word, highlight a selection (or the entire document by hitting Ctrl+A), then hit Shift+F3 to cycle through: all caps, no caps, proper case.
How to Fix It: Ctrl+Z is the easiest. If you save the document and then exit, Ctrl+Z won’t help. The next best step is to highlight the section and Shift+F3 to proper case (though you will lose in-line capitalization on proper nouns and acronyms).

9. Rename all the files in a folder.

What It Does: Renames all of the files in a folder to the same name (adding a number at the end to prevent duplicates).
Level of Evilness: 9 – Unless you immediately do Ctrl+Z, there’s no easy way to get the original names back.
How to Do It: Go to a folder with files in it. Hit Ctrl+A to Select All, Hit F2 to Rename the first file, Enter the name you want to give to all files, Hit Enter.
How to Fix It: Ctrl+Z can be used until another folder action takes place (such as deleting a file).

10. Cause a Blue Screen of Death on Command.

What It Does: Triggers a BSOD (Blue Screen of Death) any time a specific shortcut is entered.
Level of Evilness: 10 – This takes a bit of pre-work on the computer, but you could conceivably cause a BSOD on a friend’s computer in seconds after it’s been setup.
How to Do It: Enable debugging mode (follow this guide), restart the computer, then hit Ctrl+Scroll Lock (twice) to cause the BSOD.
How to Fix It: Disable debugging mode.

Have any computer shortcuts you use for pranking your co-workers? Share them in the comments? Want to prevent your computer for getting messed with, remember the most important shortcut of all: WindowsKey + L to lock your computer.

7 Great “S#!% [Professions] Say” Videos

The S#!% [Person] says videos started just before the new year with Sh*t Girls Say – Episode 1, created by Kyle Humphrey & Graydon Sheppard. The video was a humorous look at things girls say, and it touched off a wave of similar videos. Now videos in that same style have become a full-blown internet phenomenon, filling the internet with videos of people walking and talking just like little Rory Calhouns.

To keep this somewhat work-related, here are 7 videos that show what various professions are saying. Warning: These videos are Mostly Safe for Work (aside from a few curse words).

1. Lobbyists

Hopefully this isn’t what’s actually being said behind closed doors in D.C.

2. Web Designers

These people work hard every day to help make sure we have an Internet to goof around on.

3. Creative Directors

Apparently this is what managing creatives leads to.

4. Scientists

This might explain why we don’t have flying cars yet. Or superpowers.

5. Project Managers

I was going to write a quip here, but it was out of scope.

6. Bartenders

This guy needs to figure out some way to unwind after work.

7. Programmers

It’s only right that the programmer take on this meme is a subversion of the original idea.

Sure office supplies can be used for getting actual work done, but how much cooler is it when it’s used for art? Here are 10 examples of art made with office supplies.

1. Office Supplies X-Wing

What do you get when you combine a few binder clips, pen caps, a sharpie and brass fasteners? A Star Wars ship of course.

2. Dry Erase Marker Window Art

Artistic combination of dry erase markers and what you can see out your window. From windoodles.

3. Binder Clip Scorpion

One of the best uses of binder clips (and a staple removal) I’ve seen.

4. Packing Tape Portrait

A portrait of Curly from the Three Stooges made with packing tape. By Mark Khaisman.

5. Paperclip Chandelier

A chandelier made entirely of paperclips.

6. Pencil Tip Sculpture

Elvis sculpture in the tip of a pencil. Yes, it’s art in the tip of a pencil. By Dalton Ghetti.

7. Staple Skyscrapers

A city skyline made of staples. From ephemicropolis.

8. Thumbtack Portrait

A portrait made entirely from thumbtacks. From Eric Daigh.

9. Bubble Wrap Calendar

A check-off calendar made with Bubble Wrap.

10. Post-It Note Animated Message

A romantic animated message using a set of post-it notes.

10 Best Commencement Addresses from Comedians

10. Jon Stewart @ William & Mary [2004]

Good message on accepting that not everything will be perfect.

9. Tina Fey @ Fieldston High School [2008]

Some great rules from improvisation and how it applies to life. (Video quality is not great, incomplete.)

8. Will Ferrell @ Harvard [2003]

Scattered through the hilarity that is Will Ferrell are some great words of wisdom. (Video quality is not great.)

Part 2 and Part 3

7. Eugene Mirman @ Lexington High School [2009]

Mostly humor, but a great way to start a high school graduation. (Video quality not great.)

6. Bob Newhart @ The Catholic University of America [1997]

Some especially valuable notes about humor and laughter.

5. Stephen Colbert @ Knox [2006]

Some great humor points and the basic rule of improvisation.

Part 2 and Part 3.

4. Amy Poehler @ Harvard [2011]

Humility and humor, a great combination.

3. Ellen DeGeneres @ Tulane [2009]

Great humor and important points on facing adversity.

2. Bill Watterson @ Kenyon College [1990]

Just an overall great speech from one of my idols.

1. Conan O’Brien @ Dartmouth [2011]

Mostly humor but some incredibly poignant words of wisdom at the end.

One of my favorite shows growing up was Whose Line Is It Anyway. One of the most impressive games was “Greatest Hits” where they would sell a CD of the Greatest Hits Songs of a profession provided by the audience. Here are two of those compilations:

1. Songs of the Accountant

2. Songs of the Butcher

3. Songs of the Chiropractor

4. Songs of the Flight Attendant

5. Songs of the Garbage Man

6. Songs of the Mechanic

7. Songs of the Postal Worker

8. Songs of the Teacher

9. Songs of the Retired

10. Songs of the Taxi Cab Driver