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office meeting one liners

I don’t know about you, but with the amount of time I spend in meetings, I need some work humor.  Here are some of the best one liners and jokes about meetings.

On Meeting Length:

I propose a new rule: meetings can not last longer than my laptop battery or my bladder.

On Committees:

There’s a reason they’re called committees.  When you’re on one for too long, you start to think about committing something else- suicide, murder, yourself into a mental institute.

On What You Learn in Meetings:

I learn a lot in meetings.  For instance, did you know that by bending a paper clip once, you can make a pretty cool ‘S’?

On Nodding in Meetings:

I think the reason we “nod off to sleep” is so it almost looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing whenever we’re in a boring meeting.

On Conference Calls:

I don’t know what ferences are, but based on how I feel about conference calls, I must be proference.

On Early Morning Calls:

My alarm clock broke so I’ve started scheduling early morning calls at the time I want to wake up.

On Meeting Topics:

My biggest issue with meetings is that, despite their name, they are rarely about me.

About the author: Drew Tarvin is an improv, stand-up and sketch comedian living in New York City. To find out more, check out his website,, head over to his tumblr, or follow him on twitter.

1 comment… add one

  • rae brashier April 1, 2015, 12:58 pm

    hey baby , i used a few of your aa jokes.if you have any more aa one liners. i sure could use them this is my frist roast,, soo but iam daM FUNNY lol

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