The Glass

Some people say the glass is half full.
Some people say the glass is half empty.
Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.

The Human Body

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.  One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections.”

The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Free Bike

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did
you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

“The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn’t have fit.”

Going Golfing

A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”

The doctor chimed in,”I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”

The priest said, ”Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

He said, “Hello, George. What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we let them play for free anytime.”

The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said, ”That’s so sad. I think I’ll say a special prayer for them.”

The ophthalmologist added, “Good idea. And maybe I could examine  them to see if there’s anything I can do for them.”

They were silent for a moment.

Then the engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

Change a Lightbulb

Q. How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. That’s a hardware issue.